Why can't I control my drinking? Non alcoholics never have to ask themselves this question. The idea of controlled drinking never occurs to those who have never had a problem controlling their drinking. For alcoholics, this is a question that occupies their waking thoughts and they are constantly drawn into internal debates about how much alcohol they are consuming. Below is a standard internal argument that an alcoholic will have and will inevitably lose:
1) I would really like a drink tonight but I've been getting in trouble recently, maybe I should take a night off.
2) Take a night off? If you have to stop drinking that means you've got a problem! You need to prove you haven't got a problem by drinking and showing that you can handle it.
3) Are you sure?
4) Yes, think of what might happen if you did take a night off, you might have to admit to yourself you have a problem because alcohol isn't safe to go anywhere near.
5) Yes, you're right, I don't want to have to do that.
6) Good, so we're agreed then! You're going to have a drink tonight to show you haven't got a problem with drinking, because if you didn't drink tonight it would mean that you were an alcoholic.
7) Yes, I think so, anyway, I'm so confused now the easiest thing to do is have a drink.
The internal conversation is long, tortuous and almost impossible to win; each and every time the addiction will present the addict with one inescapable option - to have a drink. This is why it is essential to never, ever get into this conversation in the first place. It is impossible to win. The addiction can continue to debate and distract and demand a drink endlessly, until all resistance is worn away. How do you deal with the power of the illness? The following steps below will help:
1) Recognise that the inner permission giving thoughts are trying to help you, but are steering you towards suffering instead. Each permission giving thought is really your mind's attempts to steer you away from unmanageable feelings.
2) Don't argue, fight or debate with the thoughts. Instead, welcome them in and thank them for their help, reassure them, calm them and tell them you are grateful for all they have tried to do for you.
3) Tell the thoughts you are in charge and they can rest now, they don't need to worry as you know what to do. Always be soothing and gentle, not authoritarian.
4) Don't tell the permission giving thought exactly what you have in mind (not drinking), as it will start to argue again.
5) This will help you through a high risk moment when the urge to drink is very powerful and overwhelming. If you can dial that urge down from a ten to a two or three, then it is manageable.
If you would like to do something about your drinking or any other addictive problem, call the Living Room Cardiff on 02920493895