The emotions unleashed by recovery from addiction often spill out creatively. Here is an honest and sober reflection from Living Room Cardiff service user James on his experience of life in early recovery.
Drink to focus,
Drink to forget
All of the voices inside of my head.
Drink to feel normal
When I feel blue –
I know a change is well overdue.
When times are hard and it’s a struggle
Just get me out of this negative bubble.
Forget how to laugh.
Forget how to smile.
Just seems like so many miles
To walk a footstep in my family’s shoes
Not knowing what to really do.
If I take a step back, relax and breath
I know I can conquor this monster in me.
Keep telling myself to keep calm.
Feels like someones chopped off my right arm –
I must carry on and not do any harm.
People can put you down, but they don’t see
How much anxiety has this hold over me.
Gets more intense when I’m on my own,
How I choose to struggle, remaining strong –
It’s gone on now for far too long.
Friends and family don’t understand.
How can I be a better man?
If I make friends, with this monster in me
It will be much easier than getting the third degree.
He is always there, can’t run and hide
Whilst the people that love you try and keep you alive.
I feel upset and angry inside,
I ask my angels how to run and hide.
If I can’t be honest and true to me
How can I make progress in freeing me…
From the monster in me?
And live my life, happily.
Finding myself some inner peace.