What a person believes about themselves is the most powerful factor in shaping their lives. A core belief is a simple, unwavering, universal thought that dictates a person's thinking, feeling and behaviour and defines their world. Most, if not all people have one or more negative core beliefs which cause immense suffering throughout their lives and the fact that these are so widespread suggest that it is an inherited trait from our evolutionary past. At one point in human history, fixed, simple, negative thoughts were useful, but that moment has long since gone.
Imagine the world our ancestors inhabited, one where food was scarce and injury or illness was fatal. It was a world of short life expectancy where taking risks had to be avoided, but in order to hunt or gather food, risk taking had to occur. The human beings who did not believe that the world was risky, people outside the tribe could not be trusted, and who did not doubt themselves constantly did not get to pass on their genes. Here in the 21st Century we don't face any of these risks, but have the same nervous systems as our ancient forbears.
We still have powerful tendencies to see ourselves, the world and others in automatically negative terms and it is what we believe that manufactures these judgments. We also confuse belief with truth, a belief is a certainty in something, a truth (such as water boiling at 100 degrees or objects falling to the floor when dropped) is based on evidence.
The trick to changing beliefs is based in exploring the evidence, to see which beliefs are true and which are not. When people go through this process rigorously they normally find that most of the negativity they have embraced throughout their lives melts away rapidly.
Negative core beliefs can only be changed from the inside. If a person believes they are ugly, no matter how often their loved ones say they are beautiful, they will still believe in the ugly thought and it will actually make the thought stronger. They will have all manner of rationalisations such as 'they are just trying to be nice' or 'they are lying to you'. Pleading for someone to change and demanding that someone change their beliefs are a frustrating waste of time that causes stress and misery to both parties.
Working through core beliefs and assessing the truth behind them is a powerful approach to change, but it can't be done once, it must be done regularly. This is why the Living Room Cardiff has created for you the 30 Day Core Belief Challenge, which we will be running throughout January and into February. If you examine your core beliefs every day for ten minutes for the next 30 Days (following the instructions below), the following things will tend to occur:
* A huge boost of positive thinking and feeling as old negative beliefs become weakened and even disappear.
* The development of new and more realistic, positive beliefs that then influence actions and thoughts.
* The freeing up of thought space to have more empowering ideas.
* An increase in energy, confidence and enjoyment.
This doesn't happen without regular commitment and work (as with all things in life).
Steps
1. Download the attached sheets here
2. Define your core belief: think about what you believe about yourself or the world. When you come to a universal, simple and inflexible belief (I am no good, people can't be trusted), then you know you've got to a core belief. If you start with a thought like 'I am often unhappy), use Socratic questioning. This means simply asking 'why is that?' until the core belief is gradually revealed. Write it down on the sheet, no matter how painful, ugly or absurd it seems.
3. Rate the intensity of the belief, from 1-10, giving very powerful or overwhelming thoughts and feelings a 10.
4. List all the evidence that supports the belief.
5. Then find evidence that questions, challenges or undermines the belief. Examine every part of your life to find that evidence. If you believe you are unlovable, think about who loves you now, who has loved you, and what things there are about you that can be loved or that have been loved. List this evidence on the sheet.
6. Reformulate the belief. If there is no evidence that you are unlovable, a little bit of evidence that sometimes you don't get on with everyone and a lot of evidence that lots of people like you, then you are looking at the experience of most people in life. Congratulations, you have become painfully normal.
7. The point of reformulating a belief is not to come to the conclusion that we are in some way superhuman. The moment we try to convince ourselves that we are the most beautiful and amazing people who have ever lived, the core belief will reject this as unrealistic. Instead, use what the evidence shows to create a belief that is positive, realistic, based in fact and that you feel you can accept.
8. Test the belief. If you say the belief to yourself and you find you can't accept it, you need to adapt it and change its wording until you can find a wording that feels acceptable. Don't worry if this results in just a small change in your core beliefs, you can return to the exercise again and again and develop your positive self view by degrees over time.